


Nightmares

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-12
Updated: 2006-03-12
Packaged: 2019-02-02 06:05:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12721083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: The evils of alcohol and miscommunication.





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: **Non-consensual remembrance scene in THIS PART** , angst... angst and more angst, but a happy ending. If you are squicked by the non-con scene in Nightmares you can skip that part entirely. The story reads just fine without Jack's POV.   


* * *

Three Day Ago - The Bar - Wednesday 2245

* * *

I wish Daniel would quit staring at me like that. That pout with the slightly sideways tilt. Damn, he could charm a snake out of its skin... And on many occasions he has... I cross my legs and start staring at my shoe. I know all I'm getting from him is my own wishful thinking, but if I don't start thinking of something else, I won't be able to conceal my "wishful thinking" much longer. Hell, if he does that eye batty thing in my direction on more time, I might as well give up my career in the military and start selling tickets to my own personal Washington monument. Of course I'll have to call it the Daniel "Sexiest Man Alive" monument, 'cause while I may have admitted to myself that I have a thing for Daniel, Washington is too old for me, not to mention dead, and I wouldn't be caught dead with a person who wore a wig in public, and while we're on the subject of dead---- necrophilia is WAAAAY too far outta my comfort zone. OK, that's it, I'm thinking about sex with dead guys in wigs... Yep, I'm drunk. "Sir..., Sir." Sam snaps her fingers in front of my face again. "Something interesting down there???" "Yeah! It's the middle of October in Colorado and Daniel's wearing sandals..." "They're Birkenstocks, Jack, and I'm wearing thick socks..." Thank GOD he is. Lord, knows how hard it is for me to keep my eyes straight ahead in the showers. But at least the "don't ask/don't tell" regs are in my face there. Here in civvy land, the straight and narrow path tends to curl back in on itself. And if there were any Daniel skin on display, I'd begin looking, and looking leads to appreciating, and that leads to... curling Daniel toes... and how in the hell did I miss those tight jeans of his... I know they gripped his butt, thanks to my chivalrous act earlier... But they also are nice and tight around his calves... "Daniel!!! I'm appalled. Sandals and socks..." Sam's looking under the table now too... "Boy, do you guys need some hobbies! On one hand I've got a Major obsessed on making me fashion conscious, and on the other a horny Colonel ogling my shoes. Hey, Sam, why don't you go kni...t......Ouch... That hurt..." "Don't cry. You deserved it. AND If - you tell me to 'Take It Easy', you'll be singing soprano on the way home." Daniel's face cringes at Sam's all to real threat. I pick up my last shot glass to hide the smile on my face You have gotta love this team. Two smart young soldiers with a lust for kicking Gou'ald butt, and alien defector and sexual tension out the yin-yang. What more could an old quip of a Colonel like me ask for? Janet comes back to the table closely followed by the waitress. "What took you so long?" She gives me one of those, 'Do you WANT a physical?' looks and says, "Do you really want to know?" "Umm, on second thought..." Sam stacks up my shot glasses and hands them to the waitress. "I think he's had too much too, Daniel. Maybe you should take him home." I slam back the shot I'm holding and hand it to the waitress myself. Hell, if they think I'm plastered, I might as well be plastered. Besides the best place to hide the truth is inside the truth... "Sam," Daniel tries to say but it's almost like he's whistling it. He's also flinging his arms around like he's a little rag doll. "I'm..." His flailing arm comes to a halt as it impacts my chest with an amount of strength Teal'c would be proud of. "Way more drunk than he is." Daniel's gone. Sooooo gone. The guy gets loose on one beer and he's already had what six...? By the looks of the table... Seven...?!? And one of my shots of Tequila?? "It's OK Sam," I say, "I'll take him home." I say as I sit up and then quite suddenly sit back down as room begins to spin. "I think I'll be taking all of you home tonight," Janet says as she reaches across the table and grabs my keys. "Hey! NO you don't!" I say lunging for the keys in an impressive display of my youthful agility... Or lack thereof... for I find myself on the floor staring at Daniel's shoes again. "Do you have a foot fetish, Jack? You seem to like getting up close and personal with mine tonight." "Well, Daniel...?" I say, hoping the sudden blush spreading across my cheeks could be blamed on my current state of non-sobriety. Janet stands up and moves behind Sam. "Hey, I hate to cut this short you guys, but I have to be back at the base first thing tomorrow." Sam stands up as well, "Yeah I'm awful tried anyway." "Janet," I say clutching at the table as I get back up. "You don't need to drive me home I'll just call a cab and then another in the morning to get my truck." "Hey Jack." Daniel says in the most coherent voice he's had all night. "I live a few blocks away. Why don't you come sleep this off at my house so you can pick up your car on the way home tomorrow?" I turn to look at him. Spend the night with Daniel...???...What I wouldn't give... but is that really a good idea?' I think for a split second. And I start to stand up again and as I hold on to the back of Daniel's Chair. The way I'm headed, I'll be passed out before I even get the chance to embarrass myself, and his suggestion does sound like a logical plan. "Sounds good to me." I manage to stumble out the door just as the cab that Sam called pulls up. "See you guys later," I tell Sam, Janet as Daniel and I stumble to the cab.

* * *

The Next Morning - Thursday 0800

* * *

.... ... Years ago .... Iraq ---

\---------My plane... Engine failure -----

Must eject----

Falling----Waiting----Hiding

caught... dragged...

\--------------Cold----------------- Dark-------------------

Stone and metal.... Very cold.

.......Days ....Hungry... Starving

_Roll over_

Feet --- my feet --- can't move my feet

I'm tied up - I can't move!!!!!!!!!!

Footsteps ---- Door opening---

Voices, different languages....

Hands on me........

Holding me, GOD NO!!!!

Knives--- they're using knives... Belts around my arms holding me. Got to get away, ---Pull---

Got one free... Grabbing one gonna kill, must survive, can't let this happen ---twist ---

NO!!! All of them. Too many... Not fair... Can't be happening...

Knives down my back --- Pushing me against the floor --- Knives ripping the clothes off me...

All of them on me holding me. Cold floor.. no clothes... Neck, knee on my neck... one man holding me

I pull... I fight ...

No use... They laugh...

Legs apart. Pulling me. Pulling me apart. He comes closer...

He touches me, soft... not hard... He's hard... Please God ...NO!!!.....

not there.... not that.... anything but that

_Kick_

_Punch_

_Roll_

_**Thud** _

Floor, carpeted floor...

_Pull  
Thrash_

Sheet around me... Not straps...

Open eyes... Ceiling... Ceiling fan...

Not there...

Dream... Just a DREAM...

I sit-up and wipe the sleep from my eyes. Just a dream. I haven't had that dream in a very long time.

I'm at Daniel's. Not in the Iraqi prison. I stand up and walk out with the sheet. I walk into the bathroom and fumble around in the med cabinet for some Tylenol to stop the pounding in my head. Most of the evening was a blur but I must have been real trashed 'cause if I was in my right mind I would never have agreed to share the bed with him. Lord knows what I would try and get away with during the night. I know Daniel's straight but so am I... sorta, I mean... Well, I'm not saying I never did anything with a guy. But that was before, Iraq. Never even thought about a guy since that night... Correction----- I didn't think like that about a guy, since Iraq... until Daniel. I love him. I admitted that to myself awhile back. I think I have for quite a while now, but I have NO idea how to tell him. And I don't think I ever will. Besides, even if I were to convince Daniel 'The Guy who Gets Married on the First Date' Jackson to try the proverbial grass on the other side of the fence, I don't think I would be that great for him. I mean... look at me, I'm almost ten years his senior, greying, and a royal pain in his ass. I don't mean to be most the time. It's just that I have seen him do so much. I know it's easy to start thinking you're invincible when you keep looking death in the face and laughing. I just... I just don't want him to get cocky. I was his age when... That's the reason I got caught... I shake off the old memories and jump in the shower. I let the shower hit my face....

\---------Shower-------------Wet-----------and?-----

\-----------------------Daniel!!!--------------Watching???-------

.....Not a dream.... Memories?......From last night?.....

.................slowly coming back............................

\---------Daniel ---------Running--------- Away----------------

\----------------Chasing----------------Catching------------------

\--------"No, Jack."------- " I think we should wait."------

\------Lips-----------Kiss----------------Tequila-------------

\--------Holding-----"Jack, you're still drunk."-------------

\----------Pushing-------------Couch-----------On Top ----------------

\-------"Don't you think we shouldn't do this........."------------

\----------------Pulling-------------------Ripping------------------

\-----------"No, Jack."---------- " I think we should wait."--------

\-----------Touching----------------Skin-------------------------- ----------------Hard, so Hard------------------Rubbing-------

\--------"Don't you think we shouldn't do this..."-------------

\----------------Holding---------------------------Bed-----------

\---------------"No, Jack."---------------------- "No, Jack."---

\----------------I WANT--------------------------- I NEED -----

\----------"No, Jack."---------"No, Jack."---------"No, Jack."

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? No this couldn't be.......................

?!? I would never have.......................

I leave the shower, and lay my eyes on the bloody sheet on the bathroom floor.

OH MY GOD! ----------- WHAT DID I DO!!!?-----

* * *

Thursday 0930

 

_Crash_

"Shit!"

_Crash---Bang---Thud_

Daniel's on his back looking at the ceiling.

I run up to him and assess the damage. "Daniel are you Okay???"

He's clutching his head in an obvious hangover way. He looks surprised to see me here then settles back in to the old 'I'm safe with Jack' look. "Jack, thank GOD it's you. Would you please turn off the Sun for me. My eyes... "

Crap. Crap. crap,crap,crap. "'Thank god it's ME', Daniel???," I say as I go over to him after he passes out, "What the hell do you mean 'Thank God it's me'???"

My fears materialize as I realize he doesn't remember what happened last night. How on Earth do you tell your best friend you did this to them... 'Oh sorry, Daniel, I didn't have anything better to do than stick my penis up your ass, in a forceful way. The bleeding and pain will go away in a month or so. Your sex life will never be the same. Oh and that may cause you nightmares for the rest of your life, but don't worry, seven years of therapy might get them under control.'

I glance at the rest of the sheets and decide to cover him. I do a more thorough inspection and realize that these sheets are also spotted everywhere with semen, blood, and various other body fluids. I wad up all the offending bedclothes and carry them to the other room. I dig through his linen closet to find some that are clean. I find a selection of mismatched sheets in all colors. "Had the good sheets out last night, huh? Double Damn." I find a suitable set and make the bed and put Daniel in it. I bring the Tylenol bottle into the room for him and place it on the nightstand, with a glass of water. I get all of my crap gathered up, and I clean up the plant that he knocked over. I watch him sleeping all peaceful under those covers I just tucked him in to. 'How did you do this to him? What a way to go. Perfect strategy, get him drunk, take him home and rape the poor kid, what a fucking stupid way to tell him how you love him. And don't go trying to convince yourself otherwise, Jack. It was Goddamn Rape. . .. The kid was plastered off his ass. He would have said yes to a fucking goat! I go in the other room and put the load of laundry into the wash. I pick-up all of his clothes that are lying around. I can only barely remember tearing them off of him last night. I hold the torn shirt in my hands. I can remember the amazed look on his face when I ripped it off of him. Crap, Jack, How could you, a God-Damn Air Force Colonel, let this happen? You're supposed to protect your team, not do this to them.

* * *

There's a low moan coming from the bedroom so I throw the irreparable shirt in the trash and hurry in there to see if I can do anything to help. He's mumbling something about the light so I close all the blinds. "You sure aren't a morning person, Daniel. You can make this room as dark as midnight in the middle of the day."

Once the room is sufficiently dark, he mumbles a thank you and starts to sit-up. "Not so fast," I tell him rushing to his side. "Take these." I open the bottle and hand him three pills and the glass of water. He starts to take the glass but I can tell if I let go of the water he'll have it all over himself. So I sit down on the edge of the bed and help him drink enough to wash down the pills. He lays his head on my lap. I suddenly remember another section of last night. He was giving me a blow-job. He actually seemed to be enjoying it, and it felt... But then I remember my hands on his head, my fingers running through his hair. I know I was holding him there. He'd never have wanted to do that. I know I should leave... at least get away from him but I can't bring myself to do that. He almost seems to be snuggling up next to me like he wants me to stay. 'You are one sick man, O'Neill. Thinking someone would enjoy...'

I jump up and start to pace. I need to stay until we can talk about last night, I should offer to let him press charges, but I know he wouldn't do that. I should go turn myself in. No, he's the one that was hurt; he's the one that should decide what happens next. I go back into the living room and sit on the couch, waiting for the longest time of my life. I don't even allow myself the luxury of the television. I sit and wait for my judgment to come to pass.

* * *

Thursday 1100

Sam drove my car back from the bar when she couldn't get a hold of us. Damn, I'd almost thank her if it weren't for the awkward timing. Daniel's taking her home as he stops by to see Janet...

I shake as I walk down the steps to my car. He's going to the doctor... I hurt him bad enough for him to go to the doctor...

Damn it! Why did I do such a fucked up thing! He should have fuckin' killed me... Why would he not kill me for doing that to him?... God knows it took seven... SEVEN Iraqi soldiers to hold me down...Eight if you count the one I killed... to keep me from killing their superior officer... I tried goddamnit...I tried... They put straps on my arms and dragged me down in the corner of that cell. I thought it was just some more punching bag practice. God NO, don't think about... I broke one of the straps and caught one of the guards by the neck. I squeezed and crushed his windpipe. I had never killed with my own hands before that. A gun, yeah, of course, but that's so different. A gun is impersonal, so detached. Even killing with a knife allows some distance to be kept in between you and the victim. But that guard... Literally holding a person in your hands and feeling the life leave them. That's what I think pissed them off. What made them change the tactics, they went from brute force to psychological.

I never thought they would resort to that. It hurt so bad I couldn't move for days, God the pain...

Damnit, Daniel. Stop being so nice to me. How could anyone?.?.?., even you and Your God Damn Pacifistic Self sit in there and say you feel no differently about the person that raped you last night. Please fucking yell, cry, something don't just sit there and hold it all in. You'll go insane.

Hell... I'll go insane for you. I want to jump off a bridge... Since Charlie I haven't had a single suicidal urge, but now...

I can't believe I could ever do such a thing. If I wasn't myself, and I found out I did this to Daniel... or any member of my team for that matter, I'd push myself off that God forsaken bridge...

* * *

Thursday 1700

 

It's been six hours... That should have been long enough... I pick up the phone and dial........

"Infirmary. Lieutenant Wills speaking."

"Yes, Lieutenant. " I say keeping my voice in that trained leadership mode that fails to betray my current nervosa. "This is Colonel O'Neill. Is Dr. Fraiser available?."

"Yes she is, one second and I'll connect you."

"Yes...?"

"Hey, Doc. I saw Daniel head in there this morning, is something wrong with the kid?"

"Sir, you know Doctor/Pat....."

I cut her off, "I'm not asking you to betray that confidence, Doc. I just need a medical report on one of my team members."

"Oh, well." She pauses and I hold my breath... "Well, there was no permanent damage done. He just needed a few stitches, and I also put him on a few painkillers. He should be fit for duty in a couple days.

"Did he tell you what happened?"

"Yes, Sir. The report shows just what he told me." My heart skips a beat. - - - "He fell down some stairs." What..? She couldn't believe that happened by... stairs?

"Did you believe him?" I can't believe I just asked that. Stupid... Stupid...

"Sir, " she pauses, "I believe that's going beyond caring CO. Besides it not for me to question my patients, whether or not I think something different."

"You're right," I say. "I shouldn't be asking such things..."

"We all know your heart is in the right place... Take care and give Daniel my regards...." What?... Daniel must not have told her anything. She assumed... Oh God Daniel... Why?

* * *

Friday 1655

I avoid him in the halls, I know I shouldn't, but God help me I don't have any idea what else to do.

Yesterday was the longest day of my life. I really don't know why I was sitting by the phone all day, not like I really expected him to call or anything, but...

I needed to hear his voice. So I called him, I still don't know why, or even what I said. I think I rambled something about my service ring I can't seem to find. I probably sounded like the idiot I pretend to be.

He hasn't said a word to me since that call except about job related matters. His eyes keep telling me something but I can't read them now... I think that is what I'm most afraid of, losing that part of Daniel. He was so closed off to the world... Yes I realize he was a superb people person, but he never let them see "Daniel", the one the inside, that's how he hides... Every time he formed a relationship he so constructively had them talking about their most private secrets before he even told them his middle name... What is his middle name by the way? I look up at the clock. It's finally 5 pm.

I sign the bottom line on the letter I have in front of me. I've signed similar papers a number of times in my life, some out of regret, and some out of honor. I really don't want to leave, but I see no other choice.

"Sir?" Sam says from my doorway.

"Yes?" I reply putting the letter in the out box on the desk.

"Ready?"

"Yeah, I'll just grab my coat."

We walk out and head over to the elevators. I get almost to the surface before I realize I left my keys in my desk.

I run back down and into my office and go to grab my keys, I stop. I look at the empty outbox. 'Well, it's done now. Nothing to do, but wait for the consequences... And if push comes to shove, I'll just confess and Hammond will have to accept it.'

* * *

Friday 1830

Cassie just finished opening her presents. I know I'm not very fun tonight. I'm bringing the whole party down. I tried to beg-off and leave, but Janet "Bonaparte" must've seen me coming a mile away and asked me to lock up for her being she wanted to drop Cassie off at the 'other party' Cassie wanted to go to with... Demetric? Was that his name? I forgot all the trials of raising a teenager. Charlie would have turned 16 earlier this year. The wonder of being a teenager's parent. My mother tells me she still has nightmares.

Daniel left soon after they cut the cake. I wonder how the team will react to my decision to leave? Sam went out front with him.

"Sir."

"Yes?" I say turning toward Janet.

"Here's the key. Leave the working lights on for the custodial crew. They'll be in much later tonight."

"Ok."

"And sir? If there's ever anything you need to talk about, Sam and I are here..."

I turn to look her in the eyes. They're full of concern. I'm gonna go postal if people don't start treating me like I'm an adult and can take the blame for my actions.

"I'm fine thank you." I say to her.

She leaves with Cassie. I walk up to the stage.

So it's done... My resignation was sent, my life at the SGC is over. I just hope Daniel is as strong as he's acting.

Wait, I don't have to hope, he is that strong... I know he is... It's one of the many reasons I love him.


End file.
